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Into the Light – Becoming Your Own B’shert

B’shert is defined as referring to the seeking of a person who will complement you and whom you will complement perfectly. Married, single, divorced or widowed most people yearn to have this ideal form of a relationship in their lives. However, there are different forms of finding your B’shert.

Take me for instance, having been a member of the singles clan for quite some time, I can attest to this. With all the demands of life, it leaves little time for dating, let alone finding one’s B’shert. I have been ‘dating’ since I was in my late teens. From partying in college, to watching most of my good friends find their other halves and being a bridesmaid to them at their weddings, to singles parties, setups and multiple dating apps later, I am still here, yet a different kind of single.

There is a self awareness that comes with time, a kind of peace that resonates within when you familiarize yourself with who you really are and have a chance to be on your own. To me it’s called getting to know my higher self. That person you leave behind when you carry the burden of having to absolutely find your B’shert. Perhaps in the meantime for the singletons out there, your B’shert can be the smile on your little cousins face when they see you, a dear friend that still thinks of you after 10 years of marriage and has four kids, a loving grandparent that keeps giving you advice, even if you don’t want to take it, or better yet yourself.

The biggest lesson I have learned on my journey is this, I have never felt more alone then to be in the wrong relationship, with the wrong person. I have come to the understanding that finding one’s B’shert is an inside job. For some people love comes at a young age and they cultivate a family, for some it is finding it at 30, 40 or later in life. For some it’s after a divorce or after losing the first love of their life.

My point is this; please don’t name it a single’s “crisis” there is no crisis at taking your time in finding the path that works for you. Being single is not a plague; it is a journey that requires patience and self-love. I wish for everyone that is searching for their other half, or happy being single to understand this: if you don’t have self love, if you can’t find happiness in spending time on your own, if you expect someone else to fix your problems, you are outsourcing your happiness into the ether.

Finding eternal happiness is looking at yourself in the mirror and validating your inner and outer beauty yourself, to admire the things you have accomplished in your life with or without a partner in crime by your side. It is only then that you will be able to find a fulfilling, end all be all kind of love. It’s an inside job.

Once you accomplish this, the rest will fall into place. You will instantly be able to recognize your B’shert, because when it’s right, you don’t need to question their every move, justify their love for you, you don’t need to second guess yourself, they show it through their actions, it just flows, because it’s just right.

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